Shifting gender roles at home for a more equal future

Above: Nur Mohammad fetching household water from a well. Photo: World Vision Bangladesh

52-year-old Nur Mohammad was born and raised in a small village in Rakhine state in Myanmar. Before conflict and ethnic violence, his family owned land and cattle, and earned a living through farming.

“Our family was big, with eight siblings, and there were always labourers in the field who would eat at our home. My mother was the one who would manage all the household work and feed all those people,” Nur Mohammad remembers.

“My father used to supervise the labour in the field all day. If my mother was late to send lunch to the field, he would rush home and beat her.”

Above: Nor Mohammad cooking in the kitchen with his wife. Photo: World Vision Bangladesh.

At the age of 25, Nur Mohammad married to Mariam; Mariam was only 15 years old. The couple now have four children: two boys and two girls.

Nur Mohammad, who had grown up seeing his mother’s miseries, intended to help his child bride with household chores. But his parents and the community found it disgraceful for a man to do cooking and cleaning.

“Men who do household chores are called losers in our community. Cooking, cleaning, and raising children are jobs meant for women. Men will work outside and take all the decisions at home; that’s what we have been taught,” he says.

But Nur Mohammad and Mariam are starting to shift these harmful gender norms after participating in World Vision’s Male Engagement program for Rohingya refugees. The program, supported through the Australian Humanitarian Partnership, strives to support couples to achieve gender equality at home, and to create a safe and nurturing environment.

When Nur Mohammad, Mariam and their family arrived in the Rohingya refugee settlement in Cox’s Bazar in 2017, their displacement created new pressures in the household.

Unlike his busy life back in Myanmar, Nur Mohammad had no job and was stuck at home. His frustration meant he had a short temper, and Mariam would have to deal with the consequences.

“When we came to Bangladesh, my third child was an infant baby. Later my fourth child was born. Taking care of them at the same time as managing household was tough for me. But I accepted it anyway,” Mariam said.

Through the Male Engagement program, the couple attended 12 sessions on bringing gender equality into the family through shared responsibilities, shared decision making, empowering women, and reducing discrimination and stigma for boy and girl children.

“During the first four sessions, only men attended. We realised that sharing household chores is not only a favour to our wives, it is our duty in a happy life. So, we agreed that our wives should join the sessions, too. And we are the ones who invited them,” Nur Mohammad said.

Over the last few months, Mariam’s life has transformed in a way that she could never have imagined.

“After attending the sessions, we often have conversations at home and divide our responsibilities. Life has become easier and more organised since we participated in the sessions. With the help of my husband on household chores, things have been going more smoothly,” Mariam said happily.

The couple also practice making decisions together. For Mariam, this is a first, after a lifetime of gender discrimination.

“We were five sisters and three brother [in my family]. The boys could go to school and get all the benefits from my parents, while we girls were not only deprived of education but also of other rights, too,” Mariam remembers.

From the sessions, the couple are also reflecting on how they can support equal opportunities for their children.

“Our eldest son is already studying. But, our daughter has dropped out of education since there are very few opportunities for girls in the camp to attend school. So, my husband and I have decided to engage her in a skill development program like tailoring,” Mariam said.

Nur Mohammad and Mariam are not only shifting the gender norms in their own household, they are inspiring others in the community to embrace equality and equal partnerships.

“People in the community who used to say a man was a loser for doing household chores now appreciate me and ask for suggestions for maintaining a healthy environment in the family,” Nur Mohammad said.

Read more about the work achieved through the AHP Bangladesh Phase III response here.